WORLDWIDE— In a shocking turn of events, internet scam factories around the globe have reported an unprecedented collapse in their operations following the installation of a VPN service by the last person on Earth naive enough to be scammed.
With what could be the dawn of a new era in digital privacy, the once-thriving scam industry has fallen silent, leaving thousands of fraudsters scrambling to adapt to a world where their prime target, 34-year-old Kevin “The Mark” Johnson, is now shielded from their schemes.
“It’s a disaster,” lamented a spokesperson for the International Coalition of Scammers (ICS). “We’ve thrown everything at him—Nigerian princes, fake tech support calls, and even that really convincing email about a lost lottery ticket. But now, with his shiny new VPN, Kevin has effectively become untouchable.”
Reports indicate that Johnson’s decision to install the VPN came after weeks of relentless phishing attempts, including a particularly brazen scam that offered him a free iPhone in exchange for his social security number. “I just thought it was time to take my online security seriously,” Johnson said, blissfully unaware of the pandemonium he had unleashed among the criminal underworld.
Scammers worldwide have reacted with disbelief, some even considering transitioning to legitimate employment. “I’ve been in this game for over a decade,” said a former scammer who now plans to open a coffee shop. “But if I can’t convince one gullible person to send me their life savings, what’s the point?”